From my own experience and from observing many others, it has become obvious to me that in a lot of instances when one enters into the lifestyle of D/s as a submissive, there is a tendency by some to feel that all cares are about to be magically taken away, that the dominant will come in and save the day. But often we soon find that while a dominant can build your self-esteem and guide you upon the right path, ultimately ~you~ are responsible for yourself. Unless your dominant is around you 24 hours a day, there is no conceivable way He/She can hold your hand and walk you through..Life.
Being submissive does not release you from being responsible to yourself, for only in being responsible to yourself can you truly..be Pleasing for your dominant. A dominant is not there to be your parent, but to be a Partner and a guiding force in your growth both physically and emotionally, but when it becomes that the dominant is holding you up, ~holding your hand~ through Life, it has crossed the line into a co-dependent relationship and will only serve to diminish the beauty of D/s, the beauty of Power Exchange within your Life.In this vain, the following are ideas of my own that every submissive should consider having a handle on.
Never expect to have your dominant live your life for you. You existed before him or her and you will exist if they are gone. While it's in your nature to please, never forget there is only one person you will walk your entire life with, yourself.Keep up with your own personal self-growth, a dominant should not have to tell you..how..to grow, but be a Guide on your Journey. ~you~ are ultimately in charge of taking the right path. Read, write, ask questions of yourself and others, continually striving and actively seeking to better yourself, for yourself. This in turn serves and shows your dominant that you are always in every effort, seeking to be the best you can be.
If you do not live with your dominant, don't expect Him/ Her to know when your bills are due, pay the rent, or solve your drippy faucet problem. (Your dominant will Admire that you took care of it so responsibly!) Take care of you Health. A dominant expects a healthy submissive, one who cares about his/her body and mind. (No, this does not mean you have to be perfect, but you should be fit.)
Don't be afraid to let your dominant know when you are having a bad day. It's normal and happens to everyone. ~you~ should never have to worry that He/She will not understand, but neither should you make Him/Her into your own personal counselor. Be prepared as well for your dominant to experience their own drops. No dominant is safe from the ocassional illness or bad mood themselves.
Listen to your gut. Most times, we avoid doing this as usually we are hearing something we would rather not believe. Putting off facing the truth, will only make for a longer, harder road to walk.
If you don't feel comfortable talking with your dominant or a trustworthy friend, keep a journal. Track your own feelings and growth. Stagnancy is a killer. Never forget that as you serve your dominant, you should also feel just as special and treasured in return. D/s is a two way street, you should be getting back as much as your are putting forth. If this is not the case, do not be afraid to journey alone for a time. Submission is not made or broken by having or not having a dominant.
Be responsible for your own personal happiness, while our dominants fulfill all those long unaddressed needs within ourselves to release control, serve to make Another happy with our deeds, it does not mean we can stop looking inside, or that happiness is a given. We all make our own happiness, we shouldn't rely on any other to make it for us~.
If you are unhappy with yourself, there is really no way you will make a pleasing submissive, for any dominant worth His/Her salt will recognize it within you; While they can point you in the right direction and accompany you on the road to growth, at the end of the day, you are still in command of your ability to be happy or unhappy. It may not be an easy journey to find happiness, but the end result will always make the effort to grow and evolve a wonderful one.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
One Step At a Time
There is nothing more wonderful than knowing who you are. Nothing like realizing all your unaswered questions and needs finally have reason and rhyme.
You have bided your time, explored all of your options, thought and rethought who would be right for you. Who would be the perfect other half to you. As many are wont to do, you choose unwisely maybe the first time, the second time, maybe several times before you realize there is much more to this than saying "Yes Sir" or "Kneel down".
This takes work! This takes as much work as any relationship and often times takes more.
I think many times, D/s becomes for lack of a better word, fairytaled. Thinking that if you find that 'perfect O/one', all you do is simply be. I think we often times because of such incredible want, for a while push away the realities of life to drift in this new union, this overwhelming bliss of soul.
But no matter how much of a 'inborn' submissive you may be, or how very Dominant your personality is, there are always tims when you just don't want to simply say "Yes Sir" or when you just don't want the responsibility of being the one in charge. We all have bad days. Factor in family situations, health, finances, and simple human nature and the fairytale ends quickly.
It seems to me that often times V/t websites portray to those just finding their way how utterly perfect life is one you find "The O/one". - I am not saying this is true of all sites, just enough that i wonder what those just seeking relationships assume to be true. Going over my own site, i see where there is a lot of the good, and so lately, am also trying to include the struggle.
Nothing is perfect. It is the work and the effort and the tears that bind a couple together, the real test of whether or not a couple should be together at all. How well you handle the trials of day to day as well as the trials that are added within the context of maintaining a D/s relationship beyond the online chatroom and those only active on the weekned as a way of 'fun' or 'escape' from everyday life.
The truth is - there are many tears, there are many tests of faith and trust and belief. From within and outside the relationship. There are lots of times it will feel so much easier to 'get out'. There are a lot of times that you question yourself and your decisions, your needs, your abilities to handle such a deep and vulnerable relationship with another person.
The truth is it's not the fairytale we all wish it could be. It is real. It is hard. It is soul baring and quite capable of delivering you with the greatest hurts. But with care, with communication, with effort, it certainly can be everything you ever dreamed you could experience with a Dominant or submissive, it can bare to the surface depths of yourself you never realized existed.
Be patient, be willing to talk, be willing to take a step back when needed, be willing to put all of your heart and soul on the table. Be able to admit that hurt will come, just face it head on and stay honest. All that matters is that you 'both' want it to work and you both are willing to 'work' at making it everything you've longed and searched for. Everything else 'can' be dealt with. One step at a time.
You have bided your time, explored all of your options, thought and rethought who would be right for you. Who would be the perfect other half to you. As many are wont to do, you choose unwisely maybe the first time, the second time, maybe several times before you realize there is much more to this than saying "Yes Sir" or "Kneel down".
This takes work! This takes as much work as any relationship and often times takes more.
I think many times, D/s becomes for lack of a better word, fairytaled. Thinking that if you find that 'perfect O/one', all you do is simply be. I think we often times because of such incredible want, for a while push away the realities of life to drift in this new union, this overwhelming bliss of soul.
But no matter how much of a 'inborn' submissive you may be, or how very Dominant your personality is, there are always tims when you just don't want to simply say "Yes Sir" or when you just don't want the responsibility of being the one in charge. We all have bad days. Factor in family situations, health, finances, and simple human nature and the fairytale ends quickly.
It seems to me that often times V/t websites portray to those just finding their way how utterly perfect life is one you find "The O/one". - I am not saying this is true of all sites, just enough that i wonder what those just seeking relationships assume to be true. Going over my own site, i see where there is a lot of the good, and so lately, am also trying to include the struggle.
Nothing is perfect. It is the work and the effort and the tears that bind a couple together, the real test of whether or not a couple should be together at all. How well you handle the trials of day to day as well as the trials that are added within the context of maintaining a D/s relationship beyond the online chatroom and those only active on the weekned as a way of 'fun' or 'escape' from everyday life.
The truth is - there are many tears, there are many tests of faith and trust and belief. From within and outside the relationship. There are lots of times it will feel so much easier to 'get out'. There are a lot of times that you question yourself and your decisions, your needs, your abilities to handle such a deep and vulnerable relationship with another person.
The truth is it's not the fairytale we all wish it could be. It is real. It is hard. It is soul baring and quite capable of delivering you with the greatest hurts. But with care, with communication, with effort, it certainly can be everything you ever dreamed you could experience with a Dominant or submissive, it can bare to the surface depths of yourself you never realized existed.
Be patient, be willing to talk, be willing to take a step back when needed, be willing to put all of your heart and soul on the table. Be able to admit that hurt will come, just face it head on and stay honest. All that matters is that you 'both' want it to work and you both are willing to 'work' at making it everything you've longed and searched for. Everything else 'can' be dealt with. One step at a time.
Awakening
I liked it so much that I felt it deserved a showcase. If anyone knows the Author please email me.*s*
The Awakening.
A time comes in your life when you finally get it ... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.
And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.
And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.
You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.
You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love ... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms ... just to make you happy.
And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely ... And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK ... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want ... and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the one who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch . . .. and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve ... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
The Basics of SSC Power Exchange
1. TRUST AND COMMUNICATION ARE THE KEYS TO MAKING SM OR D/S WORK.
People make errors, most often out of ignorance. Trust depends on honest communication. Incomplete negotiation is an error, but dishonesty during negotiation is abusive manipulation. Errors are forgivable, manipulation or coercion are indefensible. Trust is a precious gift that once violated is hard to restore.
2. BOTH DOMINANT AND SUBMISSIVE ARE HUMAN BEINGS EQUAL IN VALUE ANDWORTH.
They are halves of a whole, yin and yang. Neither can function as dominant or submissive without the other. Before a submissive can wisely transfer power, they must impower themselves. Its a cliche but a true one, that you can't love another before you love yourself. You also can't trust another before you learn to trust yourself. And you certainly can't give devotion to another person, unless you respect yourself.It is important to understand the difference between fantasy and reality. While in fantasy the person may be merely a lowly slave, a pet, a fucktoy or whatever makes you hot; in reality the submissive is a human being of value and worth of respect.
3. THE CONTROL ASSUMED EQUALS THE RESPONSIBILITY ACCEPTED.
A dominant must understand that a person in a submissive state of mind during a scene is operating in a state of diminished capacity and their ability to make decisions is severely compromised. This is the precisely the point of transferring control. This is why it is important to negotiate carefully before a scene. A submissive is entrusting hir body, mind and spirit to the dominant's care, which is my mind is a sacred covenant. If you aren't willing to accept responsibility for your actions, don't accept the power.
4. A DOM(ME) HAS ONLY THE POWER GIVEN TO HIM/HER BY CONSENT OF THE SUBMISSIVE.
The dom can't decided unilaterally to take more control and the sub can't unilaterally decide that they want more control than is agreed to in negotiation. However, both people have veto power, either can stop the power exchange at any time. Any changes in level, duration or circumstances of control must be agreed to when both people are in a calm rational non-scene state of mind. Whether the agreement is for one scene or for a relationship this remains so. Sex without consent is rapeBeating without consent is assaultA safe word in a scene is withdrawal of consent!To play without a safe word increases the responsibility of the dominant rather than lessons it!!! This is something I would strongly advise against in most cases, especially outside of a long-term committed relationship. Safe words are *more* then ever needed in "punishment" scenes, rather than less because the when immediate pleasure of the submissive is of lower priority, it is more difficult for the dom to know when enough is enough or if something has gone wrong.
5. A RELATIONSHIP THAT WORKS FOR ONE PERSON TO THE DETRIMENT OF ANOTHER IS ABUSIVE.
Again, it is important to remember the difference between fantasy and reality. While the sub may be lesser in importance in fantasy, in reality their wants and needs are of equal importance. The submissive is transferring control and decision making to the dominant to be used for BOTH their benefit.Life doesn't come with a guarantee, when one gives trust there is always the chance of that trust being misused. With care, one can reduce the risk somewhat. But no matter how careful or not a person has been, this in no way excuses the abuse. DO NOT BLAME THE VICTIM. Frequently people fear to talk about abuse because of negative response ... it becomes as if the victim is abused twice when this occurs. People who make excuses for abusers are enablers that compound the problem.
People make errors, most often out of ignorance. Trust depends on honest communication. Incomplete negotiation is an error, but dishonesty during negotiation is abusive manipulation. Errors are forgivable, manipulation or coercion are indefensible. Trust is a precious gift that once violated is hard to restore.
2. BOTH DOMINANT AND SUBMISSIVE ARE HUMAN BEINGS EQUAL IN VALUE ANDWORTH.
They are halves of a whole, yin and yang. Neither can function as dominant or submissive without the other. Before a submissive can wisely transfer power, they must impower themselves. Its a cliche but a true one, that you can't love another before you love yourself. You also can't trust another before you learn to trust yourself. And you certainly can't give devotion to another person, unless you respect yourself.It is important to understand the difference between fantasy and reality. While in fantasy the person may be merely a lowly slave, a pet, a fucktoy or whatever makes you hot; in reality the submissive is a human being of value and worth of respect.
3. THE CONTROL ASSUMED EQUALS THE RESPONSIBILITY ACCEPTED.
A dominant must understand that a person in a submissive state of mind during a scene is operating in a state of diminished capacity and their ability to make decisions is severely compromised. This is the precisely the point of transferring control. This is why it is important to negotiate carefully before a scene. A submissive is entrusting hir body, mind and spirit to the dominant's care, which is my mind is a sacred covenant. If you aren't willing to accept responsibility for your actions, don't accept the power.
4. A DOM(ME) HAS ONLY THE POWER GIVEN TO HIM/HER BY CONSENT OF THE SUBMISSIVE.
The dom can't decided unilaterally to take more control and the sub can't unilaterally decide that they want more control than is agreed to in negotiation. However, both people have veto power, either can stop the power exchange at any time. Any changes in level, duration or circumstances of control must be agreed to when both people are in a calm rational non-scene state of mind. Whether the agreement is for one scene or for a relationship this remains so. Sex without consent is rapeBeating without consent is assaultA safe word in a scene is withdrawal of consent!To play without a safe word increases the responsibility of the dominant rather than lessons it!!! This is something I would strongly advise against in most cases, especially outside of a long-term committed relationship. Safe words are *more* then ever needed in "punishment" scenes, rather than less because the when immediate pleasure of the submissive is of lower priority, it is more difficult for the dom to know when enough is enough or if something has gone wrong.
5. A RELATIONSHIP THAT WORKS FOR ONE PERSON TO THE DETRIMENT OF ANOTHER IS ABUSIVE.
Again, it is important to remember the difference between fantasy and reality. While the sub may be lesser in importance in fantasy, in reality their wants and needs are of equal importance. The submissive is transferring control and decision making to the dominant to be used for BOTH their benefit.Life doesn't come with a guarantee, when one gives trust there is always the chance of that trust being misused. With care, one can reduce the risk somewhat. But no matter how careful or not a person has been, this in no way excuses the abuse. DO NOT BLAME THE VICTIM. Frequently people fear to talk about abuse because of negative response ... it becomes as if the victim is abused twice when this occurs. People who make excuses for abusers are enablers that compound the problem.
Why Men Cheat
Found this interesting article on Yahoo today. It's not mine, I did not write it. What do you think?
Why Men Cheat
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Nov 30, 2006, 10:34 am PST
Of course, we all know that while men and women are both capable of cheating, it's often the guys who have the biggest problem keeping their belts firmly buckled. And we all know that no matter who it's with, why it's done, or where the after-hours canoodling takes place, cheating is-most of the time-the ultimate relationship death sentence. But instead of dwelling on what happens after the cheating takes place, one of the ways to perhaps prevent infidelity is by knowing a little bit about why men stray. I'm not offering them as excuses, merely explanations as to what happens in that brain (and other body parts) of his-in hopes that you might be able to prevent it. Here, the top reasons why men cheat:
To Fulfill His Biology: You know the old anthropological tale. A man's main job, besides killing the saber-tooth, is to spread his seed in order to ensure the survival of his genetic legacy. It's a man's biology to want to wander. Does that mean he should, or that he can't help it? Of course not. But it does mean that a man is going to have strong-extremely strong-biological urges to knock on the doors of neighboring huts. I have had this argument/discussion/conversation with dozens of men and women: Are men predestined to cheat? My answer is no, they're not-despite their biology. But often times, they do have to fight it. Especially after a pitcher and two shots of Jack.
To Get the Attention: News flash: Sure, some guys cheat because, well, maybe the sexual frequency has slowed a bit, and maybe hot-and-heavy happens at home about as often as Rob Schneider gets nominated for an Oscar. But the truth is that plenty of men who are having regular sex with their partner are also having sex with someone else. Why? Because cheating isn't just about the sex. Just as a woman who cheats may be seeking more affection than what she's getting at home, a man often cheats because he's seeking the attention that he no longer gets at home. Part of the allure of the mysterious woman isn't just to find out what she looks like naked; it's that the woman showers the man with flirtations, with seduction, with advances that make him feel like he's worthy of more than just fixing dents in the drywall.
To Get Out: I know lots of guys who simply don't have the strength to end it. They may try ("I'm just not happy"), or they may take other tactics to drive a woman away. A lot of guys simply have trouble breaking off relationships because they don't want to be perceived as that bad guy, the jerk, the insensitive lout who ended something good. So they tiptoe around the issue in hopes that she'll get so frustrated that she'll back out first. Well, if that doesn't work, then a man knows that the only way out is to commit the relationship sin that drives a woman away for good. It's not right, but it's what happens.
To Change Up His Play List: Think about what's on your iPod. You have your favorite songs you play over and over, but every once in a while, you're in the mood to hear something you haven't played in a long time. You don't need to hear it but once every month or so, but still, you appreciate the changeup. Relationships need to be like good iPods lists. You're comfortable with your routine and you like your routine, but it's always nice to change things up. What men really want in relationships (and what I suspect women also want) is to be able to take comfort in the routine of a long-term commitment, as long as there are some surprises that make it feel like a new relationship every once in a while. In order to keep the relationship strong, you've got to change the songs every once in a while. That goes for in the bedroom and out.
Why Men Cheat
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Nov 30, 2006, 10:34 am PST
Of course, we all know that while men and women are both capable of cheating, it's often the guys who have the biggest problem keeping their belts firmly buckled. And we all know that no matter who it's with, why it's done, or where the after-hours canoodling takes place, cheating is-most of the time-the ultimate relationship death sentence. But instead of dwelling on what happens after the cheating takes place, one of the ways to perhaps prevent infidelity is by knowing a little bit about why men stray. I'm not offering them as excuses, merely explanations as to what happens in that brain (and other body parts) of his-in hopes that you might be able to prevent it. Here, the top reasons why men cheat:
To Fulfill His Biology: You know the old anthropological tale. A man's main job, besides killing the saber-tooth, is to spread his seed in order to ensure the survival of his genetic legacy. It's a man's biology to want to wander. Does that mean he should, or that he can't help it? Of course not. But it does mean that a man is going to have strong-extremely strong-biological urges to knock on the doors of neighboring huts. I have had this argument/discussion/conversation with dozens of men and women: Are men predestined to cheat? My answer is no, they're not-despite their biology. But often times, they do have to fight it. Especially after a pitcher and two shots of Jack.
To Get the Attention: News flash: Sure, some guys cheat because, well, maybe the sexual frequency has slowed a bit, and maybe hot-and-heavy happens at home about as often as Rob Schneider gets nominated for an Oscar. But the truth is that plenty of men who are having regular sex with their partner are also having sex with someone else. Why? Because cheating isn't just about the sex. Just as a woman who cheats may be seeking more affection than what she's getting at home, a man often cheats because he's seeking the attention that he no longer gets at home. Part of the allure of the mysterious woman isn't just to find out what she looks like naked; it's that the woman showers the man with flirtations, with seduction, with advances that make him feel like he's worthy of more than just fixing dents in the drywall.
To Get Out: I know lots of guys who simply don't have the strength to end it. They may try ("I'm just not happy"), or they may take other tactics to drive a woman away. A lot of guys simply have trouble breaking off relationships because they don't want to be perceived as that bad guy, the jerk, the insensitive lout who ended something good. So they tiptoe around the issue in hopes that she'll get so frustrated that she'll back out first. Well, if that doesn't work, then a man knows that the only way out is to commit the relationship sin that drives a woman away for good. It's not right, but it's what happens.
To Change Up His Play List: Think about what's on your iPod. You have your favorite songs you play over and over, but every once in a while, you're in the mood to hear something you haven't played in a long time. You don't need to hear it but once every month or so, but still, you appreciate the changeup. Relationships need to be like good iPods lists. You're comfortable with your routine and you like your routine, but it's always nice to change things up. What men really want in relationships (and what I suspect women also want) is to be able to take comfort in the routine of a long-term commitment, as long as there are some surprises that make it feel like a new relationship every once in a while. In order to keep the relationship strong, you've got to change the songs every once in a while. That goes for in the bedroom and out.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Because Love Battles
(For You, M)
And because love battles
not only in its burning agricultures
but also in the mouth of men and women,
I will finish off by taking the path away
to those who between my chest and your fragrance
want to interpose their obscure plant.
About me, nothing worse
they will tell you, my love,
than what I told you.
I lived in the prairies
before I got to know you
and I did not wait love but I was
laying in wait for and I jumped on the rose.
What more can they tell you?
I am neither good nor bad but a man,
and they will then associate the dangerof my life,
which you know
and which with your passion you shared.
And good, this danger
is danger of love, of complete love
for all life,
for all lives,
and if this love brings us
the death and the prisons,
I am sure that your big eyes,
as when I kiss them,
will then close with pride,
into double pride, love,
with your pride and my pride.
But to my ears they will come before
to wear down the tour
of the sweet and hard love which binds us,
and they will say: “The oneyou love,
is not a woman for you,
Why do you love her? I think
you could find one more beautiful,
more serious, more deep,
more other, you understand me, look how she’s light,
and what a head she has,
and look at how she dresses,
and etcetera and etcetera”.
And I in these lines say:
Like this I want you, love,
love, Like this I love you,
as you dress
and how your hair lifts up
and how your mouth smiles,
light as the waterof the spring upon the pure stones,
Like this I love you, beloved.
To bread I do not ask to teach me
but only not to lack during every day of life.
I don’t know anything about light, from where
it comes nor where it goes,
I only want the light to light up,
I do not ask to the night
explanations,
I wait for it and it envelops me,
And so you, bread and light
And shadow are.
You came to my life
with what you were bringing,
made
of light and bread and shadow I expected you,
and Like this I need you,
Like this I love you,
and to those who want to hear tomorrow
that which I will not tell them, let them read it here,
and let them back off today because it is early
for these arguments.
Tomorrow we will only give them
a leaf of the tree of our love, a leaf
which will fall on the earth
like if it had been made by our lips
like a kiss which falls
from our invincible heights
to show the fire and the tenderness
of a true love.
- Pablo Neruda
And because love battles
not only in its burning agricultures
but also in the mouth of men and women,
I will finish off by taking the path away
to those who between my chest and your fragrance
want to interpose their obscure plant.
About me, nothing worse
they will tell you, my love,
than what I told you.
I lived in the prairies
before I got to know you
and I did not wait love but I was
laying in wait for and I jumped on the rose.
What more can they tell you?
I am neither good nor bad but a man,
and they will then associate the dangerof my life,
which you know
and which with your passion you shared.
And good, this danger
is danger of love, of complete love
for all life,
for all lives,
and if this love brings us
the death and the prisons,
I am sure that your big eyes,
as when I kiss them,
will then close with pride,
into double pride, love,
with your pride and my pride.
But to my ears they will come before
to wear down the tour
of the sweet and hard love which binds us,
and they will say: “The oneyou love,
is not a woman for you,
Why do you love her? I think
you could find one more beautiful,
more serious, more deep,
more other, you understand me, look how she’s light,
and what a head she has,
and look at how she dresses,
and etcetera and etcetera”.
And I in these lines say:
Like this I want you, love,
love, Like this I love you,
as you dress
and how your hair lifts up
and how your mouth smiles,
light as the waterof the spring upon the pure stones,
Like this I love you, beloved.
To bread I do not ask to teach me
but only not to lack during every day of life.
I don’t know anything about light, from where
it comes nor where it goes,
I only want the light to light up,
I do not ask to the night
explanations,
I wait for it and it envelops me,
And so you, bread and light
And shadow are.
You came to my life
with what you were bringing,
made
of light and bread and shadow I expected you,
and Like this I need you,
Like this I love you,
and to those who want to hear tomorrow
that which I will not tell them, let them read it here,
and let them back off today because it is early
for these arguments.
Tomorrow we will only give them
a leaf of the tree of our love, a leaf
which will fall on the earth
like if it had been made by our lips
like a kiss which falls
from our invincible heights
to show the fire and the tenderness
of a true love.
- Pablo Neruda
Doing it the hard way (Long Distance)
The internet has opened up a medium by which millions of people now communicate, keep in contact, establish friendships and even romance.
For BDSM or D/s it's no different. People who were never able to experience it before can now become that person they've wondered about within as soon as they open a browser and log on. Thousands of people are now exploring what was once considered to be a text book mental health problem. The question is, if you are not able to establish your D/s in real time for the mean time or at all, how do you keep it alive and healthy in a long distance v/t setting?
You may find it surprising, if you've never experienced D/s in a long distance relationship, how deeply you can go. The mind is where it all begins and the mind can take you as far as you want to go.
I would suggest setting up some ritual behaviors. Ritual acts are probably my very favorite thing in D/s beside the feeling of giving my control to another person. Ritual acts establish a connection between submissive and dominant that even in the midst of discipline or chaos can keep a submissive grounded, and a dominant too!
They also put and keep me, personally, in a very submissive frame of mind, while in the presence or not, of my dominant.
Start with a greeting ritual. You can do this any way you please. You choose to have him/her silent until you give them leave to speak. You might have him/her kneeling to your left or right. She or he might kiss your knee, your foot, your hand, whatever place the dominant chooses. Decide on some form of initial hello and always keep that in place no matter what else may be going on.
If you go to chat rooms, same applies, always have a greeting established, something unique that allows your submissive to revel in the fact that they submit to you and no other.
There are many ways to establish rituals between yourselves, you only need to think about what would work for you personally. Will you call and put her to bed each night? Will she write in a journal every evening for you to read the next morning? Will you discuss her clothing for the next day, will you discuss her meals? It's up to you and how much you want from your relationship.
(This is assuming you are exploring more than kinky bedroom excitement.)
It's great to read about D/s, to get a feel for the outline of what can be done or how, but I definitely encourage all dominants and submissives who are new to the experience to go with your gut. Explore, indulge your fantasies online, you'll be amazed at what you decide you could do or could not do in r/t. Approach v/t as if it is r/t. Make it real. It doesn't have to be a hindrance but a stepping stone.
Be honest. For the love of it all - Be Honest.
Don't pretend interest in something you know you'd never do in r/t.
Don't pretend to submit.
Don't pretend to dominate.
Don't hold back.
Don't be afraid!
Trust each other, give your trust and make yourself trustworthy.
Don't exploit this rare and wonderful thing you have going.
Talk.
Talk.
Talk.
Don't claim expertise to something you've never touched in r/t. It's GREAT to roleplay it out in v/t - but when it comes time to move into r/t - you'd better be prepared and you better have taken the time and responsibility to be as learned as you can about any particular play you decide to do. (And, I'll be writing more about those things later.)
Don't be afraid to question other submissives and dominants. They're not all great, they're not all real, they're not all honest, but keep asking questions any way. It's a great way to expand your knowledge of self and D/s. You can learn a lot about who you are, who you'd like to be and who you'd never be.
Don't ever let the ego of v/t get you in over your head.
Til' again
(and there will be an again ~wink~)
For BDSM or D/s it's no different. People who were never able to experience it before can now become that person they've wondered about within as soon as they open a browser and log on. Thousands of people are now exploring what was once considered to be a text book mental health problem. The question is, if you are not able to establish your D/s in real time for the mean time or at all, how do you keep it alive and healthy in a long distance v/t setting?
You may find it surprising, if you've never experienced D/s in a long distance relationship, how deeply you can go. The mind is where it all begins and the mind can take you as far as you want to go.
I would suggest setting up some ritual behaviors. Ritual acts are probably my very favorite thing in D/s beside the feeling of giving my control to another person. Ritual acts establish a connection between submissive and dominant that even in the midst of discipline or chaos can keep a submissive grounded, and a dominant too!
They also put and keep me, personally, in a very submissive frame of mind, while in the presence or not, of my dominant.
Start with a greeting ritual. You can do this any way you please. You choose to have him/her silent until you give them leave to speak. You might have him/her kneeling to your left or right. She or he might kiss your knee, your foot, your hand, whatever place the dominant chooses. Decide on some form of initial hello and always keep that in place no matter what else may be going on.
If you go to chat rooms, same applies, always have a greeting established, something unique that allows your submissive to revel in the fact that they submit to you and no other.
There are many ways to establish rituals between yourselves, you only need to think about what would work for you personally. Will you call and put her to bed each night? Will she write in a journal every evening for you to read the next morning? Will you discuss her clothing for the next day, will you discuss her meals? It's up to you and how much you want from your relationship.
(This is assuming you are exploring more than kinky bedroom excitement.)
It's great to read about D/s, to get a feel for the outline of what can be done or how, but I definitely encourage all dominants and submissives who are new to the experience to go with your gut. Explore, indulge your fantasies online, you'll be amazed at what you decide you could do or could not do in r/t. Approach v/t as if it is r/t. Make it real. It doesn't have to be a hindrance but a stepping stone.
Be honest. For the love of it all - Be Honest.
Don't pretend interest in something you know you'd never do in r/t.
Don't pretend to submit.
Don't pretend to dominate.
Don't hold back.
Don't be afraid!
Trust each other, give your trust and make yourself trustworthy.
Don't exploit this rare and wonderful thing you have going.
Talk.
Talk.
Talk.
Don't claim expertise to something you've never touched in r/t. It's GREAT to roleplay it out in v/t - but when it comes time to move into r/t - you'd better be prepared and you better have taken the time and responsibility to be as learned as you can about any particular play you decide to do. (And, I'll be writing more about those things later.)
Don't be afraid to question other submissives and dominants. They're not all great, they're not all real, they're not all honest, but keep asking questions any way. It's a great way to expand your knowledge of self and D/s. You can learn a lot about who you are, who you'd like to be and who you'd never be.
Don't ever let the ego of v/t get you in over your head.
Til' again
(and there will be an again ~wink~)
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Things That Make Me Crazy About V/T BDSM
1. Submissives who call every one Mistress and Master.
2. People who believe GOR is a real lifestyle, not a roleplay based on a series of books.
3. The high number of female dominants who switch down to submissive to get a man.
4. The high number of dominants who think I'm a waitress and my only desire is to get them virtual drinks.
5. People who curtsy.
6. People who give out collars after two weeks.
7. People who accept collars after two weeks.
8. People who think they're really submissive because they have v/t bdsm 'speak' down pat.
9. P/people W/who type like this to E/everyone in every post T/they make.
10. Dominants who use 'domination' as a way to 'get back at' the opposite sex.
11. People who provide no aftercare when they've just beat their 'submissive' within an inch of his/her life.
12. The word 'subbie'
13. The word 'missive'
14. People who pretend they know more than they do.
15. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK/ LASHLASHLASHLASH (okay this one makes me snort and laugh too)
16. People who post who blocks of someone else's text so they might appear knowledgeable themselves.
17. People who hit on other peoples dominants and submissives. If you have no honor, you don't deserve to be
here.
18. Women and men with self-esteem issues who call it submissiveness.
19. Women and men with self-esteem issues who hide it behind being a dominant.
20. The reality of how competitive and mean women can be with each other.
Hm - That's a good start
2. People who believe GOR is a real lifestyle, not a roleplay based on a series of books.
3. The high number of female dominants who switch down to submissive to get a man.
4. The high number of dominants who think I'm a waitress and my only desire is to get them virtual drinks.
5. People who curtsy.
6. People who give out collars after two weeks.
7. People who accept collars after two weeks.
8. People who think they're really submissive because they have v/t bdsm 'speak' down pat.
9. P/people W/who type like this to E/everyone in every post T/they make.
10. Dominants who use 'domination' as a way to 'get back at' the opposite sex.
11. People who provide no aftercare when they've just beat their 'submissive' within an inch of his/her life.
12. The word 'subbie'
13. The word 'missive'
14. People who pretend they know more than they do.
15. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK/ LASHLASHLASHLASH (okay this one makes me snort and laugh too)
16. People who post who blocks of someone else's text so they might appear knowledgeable themselves.
17. People who hit on other peoples dominants and submissives. If you have no honor, you don't deserve to be
here.
18. Women and men with self-esteem issues who call it submissiveness.
19. Women and men with self-esteem issues who hide it behind being a dominant.
20. The reality of how competitive and mean women can be with each other.
Hm - That's a good start
Can a Dominant or Submissive be Made?
This question was posed in a comment I recieved. (And if you're reading this now, thank you for the post! I am not yet sure how to reply directly.)
There are certain places and times in a person's life where they must be dominant or submissive. If you answer to higher management at work, at times you must submit to their instruction, demands, etc...If you're a parent, sometimes you must take the dominant position by disciplining your child, talking with their teachers, confronting a bully. These are situational occurences and whether you are by nature a more dominant or submissive person, you adjust because you must.
In thinking about if you could make your partner a submissive or a dominant, I would say only to an extent if they aren't by nature already showing dominant or submissive tendencies. There is role-play. If you share a healthy relationship most partners are always willing to take on a role for a night every now and again. For some, that might be enough.
The question posed to me came from someone who believes their partner could be submissive and so he is looking into D/s as a dominant. Without having been able to 'interview' either of them to gain more insight into the relationship, I would say that for him to be researching and looking into how to relate to her as a dominant to a submissive, that he already carries a dominant tendency. He's seeing to her needs and obviously to his own interests.
Those things said, I don't believe you can force a person who is not by nature, submissive or dominant to become one to meet the needs of a partner, not for more than a night of play. And, if a partner is truly submissive or truly dominant, a night of play here or there is not always going to satisfy their needs in the long run which could lead to problems if the other partner cannot deliver more than fun in the bedroom.
I would say to my poster, I applaud what you're doing for your partner. I think it's lovely. I also think you'd not be doing it if you didn't already have dominance floating through your veins so to speak. Exploring D/s can be an awesome, life-changing, experience. Go slowly, experiment, keep a journal - both of you - to keep track of what works and what does not and so in a year you can look back and see where you started and where you've moved to. Avoid domineering over dominating.
Keep me posted!
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Some days
Some days I wish I was just the typical girl next door. I'd find myself a boyfriend who ignores me in favor of football, takes me out for ribs and beer, tells his guy friends that I'm good in bed and that I will occasionally let him get kinky enough to tie my hands. He'd be reliable, predictable, and easily forgotten. A nice guy, that type of guy who doesn't even catch my eye any more.
It's not to say that dominants are not nice, or reliable, or hell even predictable. It's just a whole other life, a whole other set of circumstances. A dominant possesses qualities that even on a boring day are still so much more. There's an invisible current always running, always on. It's that understanding of who they are and who you are.
And when you're missing it, boy are you missing it bad.
It's enough to make you scream, make you cry, make you rant and rave and babble on in your brand new blog. And, it's not self-esteem issues, let's not get it mixed up. I don't need someone just so I'm not alone. That is something easily remedied. It's specific.
It's that something only that one someone can ease.
But, the sun always shines again.
Eventually.
It's not to say that dominants are not nice, or reliable, or hell even predictable. It's just a whole other life, a whole other set of circumstances. A dominant possesses qualities that even on a boring day are still so much more. There's an invisible current always running, always on. It's that understanding of who they are and who you are.
And when you're missing it, boy are you missing it bad.
It's enough to make you scream, make you cry, make you rant and rave and babble on in your brand new blog. And, it's not self-esteem issues, let's not get it mixed up. I don't need someone just so I'm not alone. That is something easily remedied. It's specific.
It's that something only that one someone can ease.
But, the sun always shines again.
Eventually.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
So what does it mean to be a slave?
If you asked a dozen different peole what being a slave meant, you'd get a dozen different answers.
The dictionary definition for slave as a noun is as follows:
slave /sleɪv/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sleyv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, slaved, slav‧ing.
–noun
1. a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another; a bond servant.
2. a person entirely under the domination of some influence or person: a slave to a drug.
3. a drudge: a housekeeping slave.
4. a slave ant.
5. Photography. a subsidiary flash lamp actuated through its photoelectric cell when the principal flash lamp is discharged.
6. Machinery. a mechanism under control of and repeating the actions of a similar mechanism. Compare master (def. 19). –verb (used without object)
7. to work like a slave; drudge.
8. to engage in the slave trade; procure, transport, or sell slaves. –verb (used with object)
9. to connect (a machine) to a master as its slave.
10. Archaic. to enslave.
I am struck most as a submissive woman, that among these definitions, that the ones pertaining to human beings are derogatory in nature. It just isn't right or sane that a human being would want to be a slave to another person. That is what I see here, that is what I was raised to believe.
I'm not going to go into the history of slaves as a being subjected to cruelties and hardships. We all know these things existed and exist today. It happened to every race and every generation has suffered in some way, either directly or by way of the trickle down effect. This sort of slavery has nothing to do with a woman or man who calls himself slave in the BDSM style.
Within the parameters of BDSM there is also a lot of debate about what constitutes a slave. Some will say a slave is a person who has given one final answer and that answer is yes. By answering yes, she or he as released thier personal power in whole to their chose dominant or Master. Usually those that view slaves in this definition are very by the book. You would be surprised that in a liberated lifestyle like BDSM, many have very narrow views about who a slave can be and the levels of submission you must have passed to achieve this very rare and glorified title.
Now, personally, I believe voluntary slavery to be an individualized state of mind. Who is to say if a person feels enslaved to another, that they are not? Who are we, in a lifestyle that remains mostly misunderstood and mostly in the shadows, to judge another person on what they feel themselves to be or not be?
For me, just me, I never had an agenda to achieve the famed uber-submission that the word slave seems to
encapsulate. However, to one person I have become a slave. It is often frightening as much as it is a wild sense of freedom. Perhaps I struggle against the knowledge that one person has come to represent so much to me. I feel vulnerable knowing that I find my most complete and utter happiness when it is under his thumb. I never had it in the back of my mind to attain status as a 24/7 slave or as a 24/7 submissive in a TPE relationship - because - I just understood that need inside myself was already something that was 24/7 and that any relationship I entered into again would be one of 24/7 simply because in my mind you cannot take the submissive out of the girl. If I'm showering, shoe shopping, reading, sleeping, working, or on my knees - I am a submissive, I am living TPE because that is simply who I am, how I exist.
Blessings.
The dictionary definition for slave as a noun is as follows:
slave /sleɪv/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sleyv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, slaved, slav‧ing.
–noun
1. a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another; a bond servant.
2. a person entirely under the domination of some influence or person: a slave to a drug.
3. a drudge: a housekeeping slave.
4. a slave ant.
5. Photography. a subsidiary flash lamp actuated through its photoelectric cell when the principal flash lamp is discharged.
6. Machinery. a mechanism under control of and repeating the actions of a similar mechanism. Compare master (def. 19). –verb (used without object)
7. to work like a slave; drudge.
8. to engage in the slave trade; procure, transport, or sell slaves. –verb (used with object)
9. to connect (a machine) to a master as its slave.
10. Archaic. to enslave.
I am struck most as a submissive woman, that among these definitions, that the ones pertaining to human beings are derogatory in nature. It just isn't right or sane that a human being would want to be a slave to another person. That is what I see here, that is what I was raised to believe.
I'm not going to go into the history of slaves as a being subjected to cruelties and hardships. We all know these things existed and exist today. It happened to every race and every generation has suffered in some way, either directly or by way of the trickle down effect. This sort of slavery has nothing to do with a woman or man who calls himself slave in the BDSM style.
Within the parameters of BDSM there is also a lot of debate about what constitutes a slave. Some will say a slave is a person who has given one final answer and that answer is yes. By answering yes, she or he as released thier personal power in whole to their chose dominant or Master. Usually those that view slaves in this definition are very by the book. You would be surprised that in a liberated lifestyle like BDSM, many have very narrow views about who a slave can be and the levels of submission you must have passed to achieve this very rare and glorified title.
Now, personally, I believe voluntary slavery to be an individualized state of mind. Who is to say if a person feels enslaved to another, that they are not? Who are we, in a lifestyle that remains mostly misunderstood and mostly in the shadows, to judge another person on what they feel themselves to be or not be?
For me, just me, I never had an agenda to achieve the famed uber-submission that the word slave seems to
encapsulate. However, to one person I have become a slave. It is often frightening as much as it is a wild sense of freedom. Perhaps I struggle against the knowledge that one person has come to represent so much to me. I feel vulnerable knowing that I find my most complete and utter happiness when it is under his thumb. I never had it in the back of my mind to attain status as a 24/7 slave or as a 24/7 submissive in a TPE relationship - because - I just understood that need inside myself was already something that was 24/7 and that any relationship I entered into again would be one of 24/7 simply because in my mind you cannot take the submissive out of the girl. If I'm showering, shoe shopping, reading, sleeping, working, or on my knees - I am a submissive, I am living TPE because that is simply who I am, how I exist.
But, slavery? I never envisioned myself as a slave, mostly because early on, I believed all the specific sets of definitions I was given by the welcome committee. You are not a slave if you do this, don't do that, if you are at all this way or that way and don't completely give up all pieces and parts of yourself lock, stock and barrel. You had to be a certain type of submissive and for a long time, years, in fact, I assumed that rare horse would never have any thing to do with me. I have learned now, there are many ways to live your life in the BDSM lifestyle. I've since learned that there are numerous shapes and sizes of both submissives and dominants. I can be a slave. I am a slave. I know this because I feel this. I've not had to have myself officially labelled by some set of people considered to be the epitome of all that his holy in D/s. The only thing that matters is that I know it, I feel it, it lives and breathes within me. He knows it. That is what matters.
You are no more for being a slave, nor are you less for being a submissive. You are still something spectacular no matter where you fall in the spectrum as long as whatever you do, you're doing it with 100% belief in yourself and your desire to submit and that you're doing this of your own will.
In closing, I'll just say this is but the beginning, I have so many thoughts on slavery in BDSM, submission, domination, every thing. But, for now--Blessings.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
So what does that mean?
So what does that mean? This is a question I've heard many times over the years.
I should just begin be defining a few things as I know them to be, believe them to be.
Submissive - A submissive person is someone who makes a conscious, adult, decision to give away their own personal power, usually to one person, and usually for a long~term period.
Bottom - A bottom is a person who submits for a brief, pre~negotiated, amount of time. They may or may not be submissives.
Dominant - A dominant person is osmeone who makes a conscious, adult, decision to accept the power over another adult, usually for a long~term period of time.
Top - A top is a person who takes control over another for a brief, pre~negotiated, amount of time. They may or may not be a dominant.
Sadist - A sadist may or may not be a dominant. A sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain on a willing partner.
Masochist - A masochist may or may not be a submissive. A masochist is somone who enjoys having pain inflicted on them by a willing partner.
What are 'limits' ? What is the difference between a hard limit and a soft limit? ~ Limits are those places that each individual has determined he or she can not do. A hard limit being a line the dominant or person in control may never cross. Most hard limits include - children, incest, animals, permanent bodily injury, mental anguish. For the individual it could include something like no asphyxiation, or no piercings. It just depends. A soft limit is a limit you will allow to be pushed. Perhaps it's something you've never tried before, like being floagged. You don't know if you hate it, and you're willing to let the one you trust to introduce you to it, but you reserve the right to call it a hard limit if it doesn't work. Limits should be well known and well discussed long before a dominant or top ever touches you.
Safeword - A safeword is used or kept on reserve for nearly all those who participate in the physical aspects of BDSM. A really well~known concept is green, yellow, and red. I'm sure you can figure out which color means what. A safeword should always be something easily remembered because while in play, it's not uncommon for a submissive to go into something called subspace, where they are not thinking as sharply as they would any other time and pain becomes not pain at all.
So, then what is a slave?
(That one requires a whole post of it's own)
~coming soon
Introduction
Hi there,
If you've stumbled across my blog then you can well ascertain it's brand new. I've not kept a website in many years. I think I pretty much grew tired of the maintenace that a website took. I didn't have anything to say any more, but I think I do now.
This blog is about my thoughts on submission, domination, BDSM, D/s and everything else in between. I'm not trying to recruit you to the dark side, I'm not even trying to get you understand these choices or thoughts as a ~whole~, what I am hoping for is that you might come away understanding a little bit more about me. I hope you'll enjoy visiting here. I hope you leave every time you visit, with something new to think about, even if you don't agree.
And speaking of ~ I am going to be leaving the blog open for comments, however, I do ask that if you are in disagreement with my thoughts that you keep your replies respectful. You respect me, I respect you - that's the way it works. If you choose to lambast me as crazy, or tell me I'm headed for hell, curse me, or threaten me ~ you can be assured your post will disappear.
I am 32, a woman, a submissive.
Welcome to my tiny piece of the world.
If you've stumbled across my blog then you can well ascertain it's brand new. I've not kept a website in many years. I think I pretty much grew tired of the maintenace that a website took. I didn't have anything to say any more, but I think I do now.
This blog is about my thoughts on submission, domination, BDSM, D/s and everything else in between. I'm not trying to recruit you to the dark side, I'm not even trying to get you understand these choices or thoughts as a ~whole~, what I am hoping for is that you might come away understanding a little bit more about me. I hope you'll enjoy visiting here. I hope you leave every time you visit, with something new to think about, even if you don't agree.
And speaking of ~ I am going to be leaving the blog open for comments, however, I do ask that if you are in disagreement with my thoughts that you keep your replies respectful. You respect me, I respect you - that's the way it works. If you choose to lambast me as crazy, or tell me I'm headed for hell, curse me, or threaten me ~ you can be assured your post will disappear.
I am 32, a woman, a submissive.
Welcome to my tiny piece of the world.
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