Saturday, November 18, 2006

Doing it the hard way (Long Distance)

The internet has opened up a medium by which millions of people now communicate, keep in contact, establish friendships and even romance.

For BDSM or D/s it's no different. People who were never able to experience it before can now become that person they've wondered about within as soon as they open a browser and log on. Thousands of people are now exploring what was once considered to be a text book mental health problem. The question is, if you are not able to establish your D/s in real time for the mean time or at all, how do you keep it alive and healthy in a long distance v/t setting?

You may find it surprising, if you've never experienced D/s in a long distance relationship, how deeply you can go. The mind is where it all begins and the mind can take you as far as you want to go.

I would suggest setting up some ritual behaviors. Ritual acts are probably my very favorite thing in D/s beside the feeling of giving my control to another person. Ritual acts establish a connection between submissive and dominant that even in the midst of discipline or chaos can keep a submissive grounded, and a dominant too!
They also put and keep me, personally, in a very submissive frame of mind, while in the presence or not, of my dominant.

Start with a greeting ritual. You can do this any way you please. You choose to have him/her silent until you give them leave to speak. You might have him/her kneeling to your left or right. She or he might kiss your knee, your foot, your hand, whatever place the dominant chooses. Decide on some form of initial hello and always keep that in place no matter what else may be going on.

If you go to chat rooms, same applies, always have a greeting established, something unique that allows your submissive to revel in the fact that they submit to you and no other.

There are many ways to establish rituals between yourselves, you only need to think about what would work for you personally. Will you call and put her to bed each night? Will she write in a journal every evening for you to read the next morning? Will you discuss her clothing for the next day, will you discuss her meals? It's up to you and how much you want from your relationship.

(This is assuming you are exploring more than kinky bedroom excitement.)

It's great to read about D/s, to get a feel for the outline of what can be done or how, but I definitely encourage all dominants and submissives who are new to the experience to go with your gut. Explore, indulge your fantasies online, you'll be amazed at what you decide you could do or could not do in r/t. Approach v/t as if it is r/t. Make it real. It doesn't have to be a hindrance but a stepping stone.

Be honest. For the love of it all - Be Honest.

Don't pretend interest in something you know you'd never do in r/t.
Don't pretend to submit.
Don't pretend to dominate.
Don't hold back.
Don't be afraid!
Trust each other, give your trust and make yourself trustworthy.
Don't exploit this rare and wonderful thing you have going.

Don't claim expertise to something you've never touched in r/t. It's GREAT to roleplay it out in v/t - but when it comes time to move into r/t - you'd better be prepared and you better have taken the time and responsibility to be as learned as you can about any particular play you decide to do. (And, I'll be writing more about those things later.)

Don't be afraid to question other submissives and dominants. They're not all great, they're not all real, they're not all honest, but keep asking questions any way. It's a great way to expand your knowledge of self and D/s. You can learn a lot about who you are, who you'd like to be and who you'd never be.

Don't ever let the ego of v/t get you in over your head.

Til' again
(and there will be an again ~wink~)


Washington said...

Hmmm... sounds interesting. However, in my current situation rituals might be hard to implement. She's in college, so any unorthodox conversation opening might be read by someone over her shoulder (No, I'm not making this up... she's often sharing her computer for group work). And any other evident kind of ritual would be seen by her roommate. Still, I might be able to think of something. Thanks!


Submissive woman said...

Heya washington ~s~

So make it a single word that she says every time you meet ~ a word that to others would be very innocuous but for you both, really meaningful.

As for the roommate, again, there's lots she could do that her roommate never need quesiton ~ such as what she eats or what she wears to bed (surely you do communicate at times through private email or by phone?). You could send her bracelet (if that's possible) or instruct her which kind to by and have her slip it on every night when she gets into bed or on every morning when she waks up for the day. Subtle things..

I'm sure you'll think up some great things and I'd love to hear about it! *s*