Because Love Battles

(For You, M)


And because love battles
not only in its burning agricultures
but also in the mouth of men and women,
I will finish off by taking the path away
to those who between my chest and your fragrance
want to interpose their obscure plant.

About me, nothing worse
they will tell you, my love,
than what I told you.

I lived in the prairies
before I got to know you
and I did not wait love but I was
laying in wait for and I jumped on the rose.

What more can they tell you?
I am neither good nor bad but a man,
and they will then associate the dangerof my life,
which you know
and which with your passion you shared.

And good, this danger
is danger of love, of complete love
for all life,
for all lives,
and if this love brings us
the death and the prisons,
I am sure that your big eyes,
as when I kiss them,
will then close with pride,
into double pride, love,
with your pride and my pride.

But to my ears they will come before
to wear down the tour
of the sweet and hard love which binds us,
and they will say: “The oneyou love,
is not a woman for you,
Why do you love her? I think
you could find one more beautiful,
more serious, more deep,
more other, you understand me, look how she’s light,
and what a head she has,
and look at how she dresses,
and etcetera and etcetera”.

And I in these lines say:
Like this I want you, love,
love, Like this I love you,
as you dress
and how your hair lifts up
and how your mouth smiles,
light as the waterof the spring upon the pure stones,
Like this I love you, beloved.

To bread I do not ask to teach me
but only not to lack during every day of life.
I don’t know anything about light, from where
it comes nor where it goes,
I only want the light to light up,
I do not ask to the night
explanations,
I wait for it and it envelops me,
And so you, bread and light
And shadow are.

You came to my life
with what you were bringing,
made
of light and bread and shadow I expected you,
and Like this I need you,
Like this I love you,
and to those who want to hear tomorrow
that which I will not tell them, let them read it here,
and let them back off today because it is early
for these arguments.

Tomorrow we will only give them
a leaf of the tree of our love, a leaf
which will fall on the earth
like if it had been made by our lips
like a kiss which falls
from our invincible heights
to show the fire and the tenderness
of a true love.

- Pablo Neruda

Doing it the hard way (Long Distance)

The internet has opened up a medium by which millions of people now communicate, keep in contact, establish friendships and even romance.

For BDSM or D/s it's no different. People who were never able to experience it before can now become that person they've wondered about within as soon as they open a browser and log on. Thousands of people are now exploring what was once considered to be a text book mental health problem. The question is, if you are not able to establish your D/s in real time for the mean time or at all, how do you keep it alive and healthy in a long distance v/t setting?

You may find it surprising, if you've never experienced D/s in a long distance relationship, how deeply you can go. The mind is where it all begins and the mind can take you as far as you want to go.

I would suggest setting up some ritual behaviors. Ritual acts are probably my very favorite thing in D/s beside the feeling of giving my control to another person. Ritual acts establish a connection between submissive and dominant that even in the midst of discipline or chaos can keep a submissive grounded, and a dominant too!
They also put and keep me, personally, in a very submissive frame of mind, while in the presence or not, of my dominant.

Start with a greeting ritual. You can do this any way you please. You choose to have him/her silent until you give them leave to speak. You might have him/her kneeling to your left or right. She or he might kiss your knee, your foot, your hand, whatever place the dominant chooses. Decide on some form of initial hello and always keep that in place no matter what else may be going on.

If you go to chat rooms, same applies, always have a greeting established, something unique that allows your submissive to revel in the fact that they submit to you and no other.

There are many ways to establish rituals between yourselves, you only need to think about what would work for you personally. Will you call and put her to bed each night? Will she write in a journal every evening for you to read the next morning? Will you discuss her clothing for the next day, will you discuss her meals? It's up to you and how much you want from your relationship.

(This is assuming you are exploring more than kinky bedroom excitement.)

It's great to read about D/s, to get a feel for the outline of what can be done or how, but I definitely encourage all dominants and submissives who are new to the experience to go with your gut. Explore, indulge your fantasies online, you'll be amazed at what you decide you could do or could not do in r/t. Approach v/t as if it is r/t. Make it real. It doesn't have to be a hindrance but a stepping stone.

Be honest. For the love of it all - Be Honest.

Don't pretend interest in something you know you'd never do in r/t.
Don't pretend to submit.
Don't pretend to dominate.
Don't hold back.
Don't be afraid!
Trust each other, give your trust and make yourself trustworthy.
Don't exploit this rare and wonderful thing you have going.
Talk.
Talk.
Talk.

Don't claim expertise to something you've never touched in r/t. It's GREAT to roleplay it out in v/t - but when it comes time to move into r/t - you'd better be prepared and you better have taken the time and responsibility to be as learned as you can about any particular play you decide to do. (And, I'll be writing more about those things later.)

Don't be afraid to question other submissives and dominants. They're not all great, they're not all real, they're not all honest, but keep asking questions any way. It's a great way to expand your knowledge of self and D/s. You can learn a lot about who you are, who you'd like to be and who you'd never be.

Don't ever let the ego of v/t get you in over your head.

Til' again
(and there will be an again ~wink~)

Things That Make Me Crazy About V/T BDSM

1. Submissives who call every one Mistress and Master.
2. People who believe GOR is a real lifestyle, not a roleplay based on a series of books.
3. The high number of female dominants who switch down to submissive to get a man.
4. The high number of dominants who think I'm a waitress and my only desire is to get them virtual drinks.
5. People who curtsy.
6. People who give out collars after two weeks.
7. People who accept collars after two weeks.
8. People who think they're really submissive because they have v/t bdsm 'speak' down pat.
9. P/people W/who type like this to E/everyone in every post T/they make.
10. Dominants who use 'domination' as a way to 'get back at' the opposite sex.
11. People who provide no aftercare when they've just beat their 'submissive' within an inch of his/her life.
12. The word 'subbie'
13. The word 'missive'
14. People who pretend they know more than they do.
15. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK/ LASHLASHLASHLASH (okay this one makes me snort and laugh too)
16. People who post who blocks of someone else's text so they might appear knowledgeable themselves.
17. People who hit on other peoples dominants and submissives. If you have no honor, you don't deserve to be
here.
18. Women and men with self-esteem issues who call it submissiveness.
19. Women and men with self-esteem issues who hide it behind being a dominant.
20. The reality of how competitive and mean women can be with each other.

Hm - That's a good start

Can a Dominant or Submissive be Made?

This question was posed in a comment I recieved. (And if you're reading this now, thank you for the post! I am not yet sure how to reply directly.)

There are certain places and times in a person's life where they must be dominant or submissive. If you answer to higher management at work, at times you must submit to their instruction, demands, etc...If you're a parent, sometimes you must take the dominant position by disciplining your child, talking with their teachers, confronting a bully. These are situational occurences and whether you are by nature a more dominant or submissive person, you adjust because you must.

In thinking about if you could make your partner a submissive or a dominant, I would say only to an extent if they aren't by nature already showing dominant or submissive tendencies. There is role-play. If you share a healthy relationship most partners are always willing to take on a role for a night every now and again. For some, that might be enough.

The question posed to me came from someone who believes their partner could be submissive and so he is looking into D/s as a dominant. Without having been able to 'interview' either of them to gain more insight into the relationship, I would say that for him to be researching and looking into how to relate to her as a dominant to a submissive, that he already carries a dominant tendency. He's seeing to her needs and obviously to his own interests.

Those things said, I don't believe you can force a person who is not by nature, submissive or dominant to become one to meet the needs of a partner, not for more than a night of play. And, if a partner is truly submissive or truly dominant, a night of play here or there is not always going to satisfy their needs in the long run which could lead to problems if the other partner cannot deliver more than fun in the bedroom.

I would say to my poster, I applaud what you're doing for your partner. I think it's lovely. I also think you'd not be doing it if you didn't already have dominance floating through your veins so to speak. Exploring D/s can be an awesome, life-changing, experience. Go slowly, experiment, keep a journal - both of you - to keep track of what works and what does not and so in a year you can look back and see where you started and where you've moved to. Avoid domineering over dominating.

Keep me posted!

Some days

Some days I wish I was just the typical girl next door. I'd find myself a boyfriend who ignores me in favor of football, takes me out for ribs and beer, tells his guy friends that I'm good in bed and that I will occasionally let him get kinky enough to tie my hands. He'd be reliable, predictable, and easily forgotten. A nice guy, that type of guy who doesn't even catch my eye any more.

It's not to say that dominants are not nice, or reliable, or hell even predictable. It's just a whole other life, a whole other set of circumstances. A dominant possesses qualities that even on a boring day are still so much more. There's an invisible current always running, always on. It's that understanding of who they are and who you are.

And when you're missing it, boy are you missing it bad.

It's enough to make you scream, make you cry, make you rant and rave and babble on in your brand new blog. And, it's not self-esteem issues, let's not get it mixed up. I don't need someone just so I'm not alone. That is something easily remedied. It's specific.

It's that something only that one someone can ease.

But, the sun always shines again.

Eventually.

So what does it mean to be a slave?

If you asked a dozen different peole what being a slave meant, you'd get a dozen different answers.
The dictionary definition for slave as a noun is as follows:

slave  /sleɪv/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sleyv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, slaved, slav‧ing.
–noun
1. a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another; a bond servant.
2. a person entirely under the domination of some influence or person: a slave to a drug.
3. a drudge: a housekeeping slave.
4. a slave ant.
5. Photography. a subsidiary flash lamp actuated through its photoelectric cell when the principal flash lamp is discharged.
6. Machinery. a mechanism under control of and repeating the actions of a similar mechanism. Compare master (def. 19). –verb (used without object)
7. to work like a slave; drudge.
8. to engage in the slave trade; procure, transport, or sell slaves. –verb (used with object)
9. to connect (a machine) to a master as its slave.
10. Archaic. to enslave.

I am struck most as a submissive woman, that among these definitions, that the ones pertaining to human beings are derogatory in nature. It just isn't right or sane that a human being would want to be a slave to another person. That is what I see here, that is what I was raised to believe.

I'm not going to go into the history of slaves as a being subjected to cruelties and hardships. We all know these things existed and exist today. It happened to every race and every generation has suffered in some way, either directly or by way of the trickle down effect. This sort of slavery has nothing to do with a woman or man who calls himself slave in the BDSM style.

Within the parameters of BDSM there is also a lot of debate about what constitutes a slave. Some will say a slave is a person who has given one final answer and that answer is yes. By answering yes, she or he as released thier personal power in whole to their chose dominant or Master. Usually those that view slaves in this definition are very by the book. You would be surprised that in a liberated lifestyle like BDSM, many have very narrow views about who a slave can be and the levels of submission you must have passed to achieve this very rare and glorified title.

Now, personally, I believe voluntary slavery to be an individualized state of mind. Who is to say if a person feels enslaved to another, that they are not? Who are we, in a lifestyle that remains mostly misunderstood and mostly in the shadows, to judge another person on what they feel themselves to be or not be?

For me, just me, I never had an agenda to achieve the famed uber-submission that the word slave seems to
encapsulate. However, to one person I have become a slave. It is often frightening as much as it is a wild sense of freedom. Perhaps I struggle against the knowledge that one person has come to represent so much to me. I feel vulnerable knowing that I find my most complete and utter happiness when it is under his thumb. I never had it in the back of my mind to attain status as a 24/7 slave or as a 24/7 submissive in a TPE relationship - because - I just understood that need inside myself was already something that was 24/7 and that any relationship I entered into again would be one of 24/7 simply because in my mind you cannot take the submissive out of the girl. If I'm showering, shoe shopping, reading, sleeping, working, or on my knees - I am a submissive, I am living TPE because that is simply who I am, how I exist.

But, slavery? I never envisioned myself as a slave, mostly because early on, I believed all the specific sets of definitions I was given by the welcome committee. You are not a slave if you do this, don't do that, if you are at all this way or that way and don't completely give up all pieces and parts of yourself lock, stock and barrel. You had to be a certain type of submissive and for a long time, years, in fact, I assumed that rare horse would never have any thing to do with me. I have learned now, there are many ways to live your life in the BDSM lifestyle. I've since learned that there are numerous shapes and sizes of both submissives and dominants. I can be a slave. I am a slave. I know this because I feel this. I've not had to have myself officially labelled by some set of people considered to be the epitome of all that his holy in D/s. The only thing that matters is that I know it, I feel it, it lives and breathes within me. He knows it. That is what matters.

You are no more for being a slave, nor are you less for being a submissive. You are still something spectacular no matter where you fall in the spectrum as long as whatever you do, you're doing it with 100% belief in yourself and your desire to submit and that you're doing this of your own will.

In closing, I'll just say this is but the beginning, I have so many thoughts on slavery in BDSM, submission, domination, every thing. But, for now--

Blessings.

So what does that mean?

So what does that mean? This is a question I've heard many times over the years.

I should just begin be defining a few things as I know them to be, believe them to be.

Submissive - A submissive person is someone who makes a conscious, adult, decision to give away their own personal power, usually to one person, and usually for a long~term period.

Bottom - A bottom is a person who submits for a brief, pre~negotiated, amount of time. They may or may not be submissives.

Dominant - A dominant person is osmeone who makes a conscious, adult, decision to accept the power over another adult, usually for a long~term period of time.

Top - A top is a person who takes control over another for a brief, pre~negotiated, amount of time. They may or may not be a dominant.

Sadist - A sadist may or may not be a dominant. A sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain on a willing partner.

Masochist - A masochist may or may not be a submissive. A masochist is somone who enjoys having pain inflicted on them by a willing partner.

What are 'limits' ? What is the difference between a hard limit and a soft limit? ~ Limits are those places that each individual has determined he or she can not do. A hard limit being a line the dominant or person in control may never cross. Most hard limits include - children, incest, animals, permanent bodily injury, mental anguish. For the individual it could include something like no asphyxiation, or no piercings. It just depends. A soft limit is a limit you will allow to be pushed. Perhaps it's something you've never tried before, like being floagged. You don't know if you hate it, and you're willing to let the one you trust to introduce you to it, but you reserve the right to call it a hard limit if it doesn't work. Limits should be well known and well discussed long before a dominant or top ever touches you.

Safeword - A safeword is used or kept on reserve for nearly all those who participate in the physical aspects of BDSM. A really well~known concept is green, yellow, and red. I'm sure you can figure out which color means what. A safeword should always be something easily remembered because while in play, it's not uncommon for a submissive to go into something called subspace, where they are not thinking as sharply as they would any other time and pain becomes not pain at all.

So, then what is a slave?

(That one requires a whole post of it's own)

~coming soon

Introduction

Hi there,

If you've stumbled across my blog then you can well ascertain it's brand new. I've not kept a website in many years. I think I pretty much grew tired of the maintenace that a website took. I didn't have anything to say any more, but I think I do now.

This blog is about my thoughts on submission, domination, BDSM, D/s and everything else in between. I'm not trying to recruit you to the dark side, I'm not even trying to get you understand these choices or thoughts as a ~whole~, what I am hoping for is that you might come away understanding a little bit more about me. I hope you'll enjoy visiting here. I hope you leave every time you visit, with something new to think about, even if you don't agree.

And speaking of ~ I am going to be leaving the blog open for comments, however, I do ask that if you are in disagreement with my thoughts that you keep your replies respectful. You respect me, I respect you - that's the way it works. If you choose to lambast me as crazy, or tell me I'm headed for hell, curse me, or threaten me ~ you can be assured your post will disappear.

I am 32, a woman, a submissive.

Welcome to my tiny piece of the world.